Downfall

It’s 2017 and I told myself I would never feel like the way im feeling right now. I started the year off good but now it’s just back to how I was feeling last year. You ever feel like you don’t feel like even trying to fix things anything anymore? Bcus thats how I feel. I got into a big ass argument with my parents a couple days ago and I’ve been crying the past few days and nights. I can’t even say anything without them getting mad or saying im talking back yet they say they want me to say how I feel and not keep everything in. I missed school on Friday bcus I told my mom I was gna take bus since I woke up late and she said no she would come back to get me so I was like okay whatever. Then my dad comes back  home and gets mad bcus im here like wtf he stays getting mad at me off of every little thing and the night we were arguing he told me “dont ask me for anything anymore I dont care” like I dont even ask him for anything anyways. So anyways I said bye to him and heard him talking to my mom about me and then he said something to me and I straight up just started crying and my makeup was ruined. Like I straightened my hair that day too. Then in the car I just kept crying and my mom was the main person that started the argument and she starts talking about it then tries being hella nice like everytime I get into something with my parents the next day they try acting hella nice like nothing even happened. But I ended up not going to school and staying at my grandmas house. I cried for a couple hours then ended up falling asleep on the couch. Later that day my auntie, uncle, cousin and grandma came to my house and my auntie just kept talking bad to me saying I was ugly as a kid. I really wanted to say something but I just didn’t say anything and went to my room. Yea I got a lot to say but I choose not to bcus it’s just gna start something and im prolly the one that’s just gna get in trouble. The only person there that always treats me right is my grandma. I put her on my snapchat story and she was dancing to get her tho by D-Lo with me LMAO. Other than my grandma, I hate how my family treats me. Yet when I act how they act to me I get called rude or disrespectful. Like they needa look in a mirror then.  I needa stop acting how im acting and act differently now so ppl stop walking all over me and I need to stop forgiving ppl. This just ain’t right thank god imma b 18 next year and done with high school. I really hope my life gets better. I guess imma needa start acting like a bad ass kid how my parents see me and start rebeling against them.

Lying About my Age

So when I’m out in public a lot of people think I look older and so this guy that I met through instagram(yes that’s pretty weird) slid into my dms and was saying how I was hella fine and I found out we have mutual friends but there’s only one thing….he’s 21 and I’m 16. He never asked me how old I was, I guess he just assumes I’m over 18. But anyways, we’ve been messaging each other for a while now and he was asking to meet up and I want to but I don’t at the same time because he’s 5 years older than me but he’s really good looking and sweet. 5 years isn’t really a big difference because I know people that are married and have that age difference. So what should I do?? Should I meet up with him or no?? I was leaning towards the yes side but I’m still indecisive. Tbh I never lied about my age because he never asked but I lowkey kinda did lie since I wasn’t being truthful telling him I’m 16. Should I tell him or?? I just need help figuring out what to do.

Mondays are Never Good

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I was just laying in bed trying to fall asleep until I kept thinking about how my day was today in school so I had to write it down. I know I’ll regret staying up late when I wake up in the morning but writing my problems is actually helping. Why is it that bad memories always replay in your head and make it harder to forget and remember the good ones? Let’s just say my monday was sucky. I mean when are mondays even good? So I started the day by waking up late and having to rush getting ready. I didn’t even eat breakfast unless you count an oatmeal raisin cookie. I never eat breakfast except little snacks in the morning during school. I just always press snooze when my alarm goes on. I’m always the last one to leave the house. I get dropped off to school around 7:40 and school doesn’t start till 8:17. I’m usually by myself in the morning so I just go to the bathroom and finish doing my makeup. After the bell rang I took the longer way to go to my first period, pre-cal and let me just say I suck at math. We had a sub for a couple days and I am so lost in that class. That class is pretty boring now because I don’t sit next to this girl I started talking to at the beginning of the school year. when we sat near each other, we would be laughing the whole time and copying the homework the day it was due. Anyways second period was boring and this guy accidentally hit his earphones on my cheek and he kept apologizing. I just froze and gave him this mean look. I didn’t even say anything. I’m still surprised about that because usually I would. I just froze. You ever been in a situation where you can’t think of anything to say regarding something but couple hours later you just think of what to say and it’s too late. That always happens to me smh. One of my good friends since 7th grade walked with me and I was acting hella bitchy with her kinda and all because she said I looked tired. But I actually fixed my hair and makeup and outfit today so it wasn’t good enough??? That’s why most of the days I like to keep to myself. My english class was okay and lunch I just chilled in the library since I didn’t feel like hanging out with anyone. It was just one of those days where I was irritated and just wanted to be alone. My last class was a little better except for the fact that I got called out by my teacher because I didn’t know anything on the quiz since I never showed up to class last week. I told myself I wanted to do good in school yet I’m turning back into my bad habits. Going home after school is the best feeling because I finally get to relax, eat good food and lay in bed while going on netflix and watching one tree hill that was prolly the highlight of my day. Hopefully this week gets better and goes by fast since I got the whole next week off for Thanksgiving(:

Start of Something New

Never have I ever thought about having my own blog. People say it’s good to talk to people about anything that bothers you but I don’t have that one person I could just talk to. Maybe if I did then this blog wouldn’t exist and my life prolly would’ve been different. Let me just start by saying I’m a 16 year old girl living in California and a Junior in highschool. I’m the type of girl that doesn’t like talking about personal things but just likes to get lit, watch baseball and football, do my makeup and just having fun. I do know a lot of people but I don’t consider them friends. I prolly only have 4 real friends. People at school consider me as a baddie saying I always act and look confident never worrying about what others think of me but that’s the complete opposite of how I feel. Looks really can be deceiving I guess. I have a low self esteem. Let’s just say I like to keep things to myself. A couple weeks ago I started watching One Tree Hill and Peyton gave me the idea of starting this blog. Her and I are somewhat similar in a way because she had no one she could actually talk about her feelings to so she started a podcast and talked about whatever she felt like. Who would’ve known that I felt a connection to a character in a show. So this is my way of letting things out and not holding it in. This is the start of something new